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(edit:)This first draft was not supposed to be ready to be published but the risk of never publishing it was big, so here we go.

Everything I build, every creative process, every result and method you see here is influenced or determined by ADHD, and thus I decided to speak openly about my experience dealing with a brain that refuses to behave. I was diagnosed in the late 80s, about 35 years ago at the time this entry was written.

The name [1] itself is misleading, I don't lack the capacity of paying attention, what I can't do is:

  • choose where my attention will go

  • choose for how long it will remain focused

If a subject is (or feels) not relevant for me, it becomes an impossible task. If the subject acts as a magnet, all my attention (and resources) will focus on that single point in the universe, no matter how unimportant it is, no matter the consecuences. I can read cyrillic and greek, I don't speak either of those languages. I should be able to provide a few hundred examples of that behaviour, I just need to hyperfocus on it. No task is impossible for an hyperactive brain unless it's boring.

When and if I can take some time off from work, my activity levels rise and I tend to sleep less. This is how I take a break from the constant effort of doing what I'm told to do (yes, working is basically doing what you're told to do, same for most of the adult-life tasks) and most of the energy spend is used to brake, limit, paralyse and suffocate my "normal" behaviour.